


Theatre Of Pain

by BeniciHOE



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alcohol, Alley Blow Jobs, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Alternative Universe - 1980's, Anal Sex, Bathroom Sex, Blow Jobs, Brother/Brother Incest, Cocaine, Cunnilingus, Decadence, Drinking, Drug Use, Drugs, Drummer!Ben, Drunken Confessions, F/F, F/M, Groupies, Incest, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Marijuana, Multi, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rockstars, Singer!Kylo, Use Lube Always with Anal, Voyeurism, guitarist!Rey, no prep
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-15 22:07:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16941576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeniciHOE/pseuds/BeniciHOE
Summary: Rey sang, Rose and Finn harmonizing as they shifted from the original key to something dark and minor.  As their voices held the last note Rose’s lead electric dueled with Finn’s rhythmic bass.  They let the key stay minor, not resolving it, which left Rey with a tension in her chest that she knew the audience was feeling, their faces a sea of expectancy, and for the space of a breath Rey knew they were all her’s.  That sea of faces, her fans, she had them eating out of the palm of her hand.  With a cheeky grin, she murmured, “Now, please welcome, The First Order.”





	1. Piece of Your Action

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooooo I'm obsessed with the '80s, especially 80's hair metal - Motley Crue is my favorite band so why not put our babies through the '80s. :D Hope you all like it and let me know what you think!
> 
> First Chapter Song - Piece of Your Action by Motley Crue

* * *

 

_“I want you, I need you_

_I want you to be mine tonight_

_You need me, you tease me_

_Use you up, throw you away”_

 

* * *

 

_Sunset Strip, Hollywood_

_January 1984_

 

Rey could feel the thrum of the bass line pounding in her chest as they hit the chorus, Rose’s mezzo-soprano blending with her contralto as they kicked over from the minor key.  She tapped her ear as she caught the gaze of the sound mixer and smiled at the greying roadie as she got more of her own voice in the mix.

 

There was a line of young men and women that had pushed themselves to the front of the stage, clearing through to see The Rebellion even though they were only the opening act.  One of the men caught her eye, lean and leggy just the way Rey liked them. She wondered if he’d stick around, maybe hang with the band.

 

She hoped so; it had been a few days since she’d had a proper fuck and by the eager flirtation on the boy’s face Rey thought he might be a sure thing.

 

Dropping her voice to rumble in her deeper register, she introduced the next song, “Thank you all for coming out tonight.  Our time is almost up but before we go we’d like to welcome The First Order onto the stage with our rendition of their single _Valentine’s Day_.

 

 _“_ _I can’t find the words to say_

_The thoughts caged in my veins_

_I can’t find a way to start_

_The confession in my heart”_

 

They began the first verse much like the original, Rey strumming across her electric/acoustic hybrid but as they hit the end of it their style switched to Rebellion’s metal sound, the beat doubling as Poe wailed into an improvised drum solo.

 

_“Valentine’s Day is nothing to anymore_

_Just leave the broken pieces on the floor_

_Walk away, I know the score_

_Just leave me here forevermore”_

 

Rey sang, Rose and Finn harmonizing as they shifted from the original key to something dark and minor.  As their voices held the last note Rose’s lead electric dueled with Finn’s rhythmic bass. They let the key stay minor, not resolving it, which left Rey with a tension in her chest that she knew the audience was feeling, their faces a sea of expectancy, and for the space of a breath Rey knew they were all her’s.  That sea of faces, her fans, she had them eating out of the palm of her hand. With a cheeky grin, she murmured, “Now, please welcome, The First Order.”

 

The audience cheered them off screaming, _“Encore! Encore! Encore!”_ even as The First Order took their positions on stage and tried to calm the crowd.  Rey felt a bit embarrassed as Kylo Ren struggled over the voices of the couple hundred people packed into the club.

 

The First Order were fucking legends and Rey didn’t care what the tabloids said about their falling out with their longtime songwriter Snoke, Rey loved their new stuff.  Yeah, a couple of years before they would have been packing venues three times the size of the club they were in, but their new work was raw and heady in a way that Snoke had never been able to write.  She could tell their songs had been written by Kylo Ren himself, the liquid sex of his bass voice lending to the strains of heartbreak and tenderness in their new work.

 

“Let’s hear it for The Rebellion,” Kylo said politely. Even in his painted on leather pants and boots, he was every inch the gentleman.  Rey had hardly recognized her childhood hero when the man had shown up to rehearsal in a bespoke three-piece suit.

 

Now, Ben… he was exactly like his onstage persona.  Shredded jeans and a leather jacket with nothing beneath it that had Rey’s mouth watering at the glimpses she got of the chiseled eight-pack.  No wonder Kylo and Ben had been on again, off again for three tours. If Rey could have had her way she would have been on again and on again with the both of them. It didn’t matter they're twins, with half the shit she’s done she had no room to judge.

 

Still, she liked the mystery of Kylo Ren.  The man was an enigma of contradictions. Rockstar, but he’d never join the bands after the shows to party, Ben often leaving early in the evening to ribalding from their lead guitar Armitage, _‘Just, Hux if you please,’_ and their bassist Phasma.

 

Kylo’s songs, at least the ones he’d written himself, were all about longing… about finding freedom.  Made Rey wonder about that carefully buttoned-up exterior he was always maintaining, the consummate professional.  Made her wonder, if he peeled Kylo apart if there wasn’t a wild child screaming to be released.

 

“Hi,” a cheerful voice, hot against the shell of her ear, interrupted her thoughts.

 

Spinning away from her perfect vantage point for the sinful way Kylo was gyrating his hips, Rey saw none other than Mr. Sure-Thing himself.  The younger man pushed a lock of sweaty black fringe out of his face, favoring Rey with a flirtatious smile.

 

“Hello,” Rey said, leaning in to be heard over the band.

 

“I can’t believe I’m actually meeting Rey Jakku, I mean - Christ!” the boy said breathlessly but with enough sound to still be heard.

 

“And who are you?”

 

“Oh, um,” the boy stammered, “Kevin Anderson.”  He held out his hand for Rey to shake and the guitarist scooped it up, turning it so she could press a chaste kiss to the back of the younger man’s hand.  

 

Then Rey waited.

 

It was moments like those that always sent Rey’s pulse racing.  In the early days, she’d gotten punched as much as fucked but there was enough press about Rey’s diverse sexual partners that it didn’t happen too much anymore.

 

The little smile as Kevin bit his lower lip was all the encouragement Rey needed to drop the boy’s hand and loop his arm around her waist.  Even with the boots Rey always wore, Kevin had a couple inches on her.

 

“Is it true,” Kevin asked as Rey guided him away from the stage and towards the green room, “that _Ashen Wind_ is about your first love?”

 

_This field of daisies is burning_

_My home alight in flames_

_Bitter in my yearning_

_I long to end these games_

 

“Yeah,” Rey said sadly, frown tugging at her lips, “you could say that.”

 

“Well, she was a bitch.  I can’t believe anyone would break your heart.”

 

“Nah,” Rey dithered as she let them into the lounge, Rose already draped with two girls in her lap.  “S’not like that, bruv.”

 

Kevin giggled.  “God, I mean - !  I’ve heard your accent in interviews but, damn, it is so much hotter in person!”

 

“Thanks, babe,” she said, shooting Kevin a cheeky smile as the fan melted into her side on the couch, blushing in a way that sent heat right to her pussy.

 

Leaning in close, Kevin murmured in a breathy voice, “Anything you want, Rey.  It’s yours.”

 

They hung out for a bit with the band. After all, Rey wanted Kevin to have a story to take home - wherever home was.  But when his hands started roaming, encouraged by Rey’s easy flirtation, the guitarist ducked out her _l’homme de maintenant_.

 

“Fuck!” Kevin hissed as Rey pushed him against the bathroom door, stepping into the fan’s space and sucking down the exposed skin from the unbuttoned front of his shirt until Rey got her mouth around a tight little nipple.  

 

“You are so fucking hot,” Kevin breathed as Rey grabbed his hands and planted them on her ass signaling her intent.  “Oh fuck yeah, want to fuck you. Whatever you want Rey. Anything you want.”

 

She pulled off with a wet ‘pop’, the young man shivering at the sound before Rey’s hand on his shoulder encouraged him to his knees.  “You want it?” Rey teased, drawing down the fly on her crimson leather pants and stepping out of one leg, her pussy bare to him.

 

“Yes, fucking please,” Kevin whined, lips kiss swollen and looking sinful on the boy’s pale face.

 

Rey grabbed a fistful of hair, easing his mouth forward so he could eat her out.

 

Kevin could lick and tease her cunt all he wanted, diving in with enthusiasm until Rey was gasping, trying to control the little hitches of her hips.  Pulling away, Kevin looked up at her with lust-darkened eyes, the swirling honey brown reminding her viscerally of Kylo Ren’s for the briefest of moments.

 

“Will you sit on my face, Rey?”

 

Like she was gonna say no...

 

Pushing Kevin back until he was sprawled out on the floor, she lowered herself to her knees and rotated her hips over his face as his tongue teased her clit letting Kevin get accustomed to the rhythm before speeding up.  As she let herself go lower, cutting off a bit of Kevin’s air, the boy moaned greedily, kneading at his trapped cock while Rey used his face.

 

She was getting close, much too close not to Kevin buried inside of her ass.  Hauling the young man up, Rey guided him to the sinks, lifting herself to perch on the porcelain edge.  

 

Kevin was wonderfully debauched, sprawled against the graffitied wall.  There was only one thing that could make the moment better. Digging the cylinder out of her pocket she took a bump of coke, offering it to Kevin who seemed apprehensive but let Rey hold it up to his nose.

 

Kevin sputtered and rubbed at his nose from the unfamiliar sensation but when their eyes met, Kevin’s pupils had narrowed down to pinpricks.

 

“Holy shit.”

 

“Pretty much,” Rey agreed as she thumbed open the fly on Kevin’s jeans. She attacked the expanse of pale collar as Kevin wriggled out of his pants, Rey peeling them off as far as she could reach from her position as Kevin let them drop to the floor.

 

“I want your cock in me,” Rey gasped eagerly as she shimmied down on the cool ceramic to give Kevin a better angle.

 

“I’m gonna give it to you, babe,” Kevin promised as he captured Rey’s mouth, licking into the warmth.  “Gonna make you feel so good.”

 

He slid the condom down his length, pulling the little bottle of lube from his jacket.

 

“No prep,” Rey growled, “just slick yourself and take me.”

 

The girl’s words had Kevin’s cock twitching desperately.  She’d had Kevin pegged as a good little boy but it seemed the fan had a filthy side.  He wasn’t inclined to argue as he spread the lube over himself and pushed in, Rey’s heels dragging Kevin into the hilt in one movement.

 

Rey was tight, like virgin tight, the vise of her ass nearly pushing the fan over the edge.  A glance at her lover showed Rey she was right, there was pain written all over her face but Kevin must have been a bit of a sadist because there was pleasure there too.

 

Kevin reached forward and began to tease Rey’s clit, he stroked a few times and earned himself a moan before he started moving his hips again.  She was going to make it good for her inexperienced little fuck bunny. Hell, maybe she’d get Kevin’s number and have a repeat performance. The boy was incredibly eager.

 

They were slamming together when Rey sprinkled a line of coke on the boy’s sharp collarbone, so lost in the slide of their bodies and the spike of the high as she snorted up the drug that she didn’t hear the door swing open.

 

It wasn’t until a familiar voice shouted, “Ben!” that he looked up to see Kylo Ren in the doorway, a bulge tenting his leathers and the silk of his shirt clinging deliciously.  When Rey’s gaze dragged to Kylo’s face she was surprised at the embarrassment she saw painted on Kylo’s features. The lust, she expected that, but there was a twisted sort of shame on his features too.

 

Not breaking eye contact from the older man, Rey licked the last of the powder from Kevin’s neck.

 

Kylo’s face quickly closed off and he stepped back out, shutting the door firmly behind himself.

 

“I’m so close,” Kevin panted, drawing her back to the boy grinding against her.

 

He shifted his weight and angle, plowing into Rey as she clung to his shoulders.  It wasn’t long before she was shivering in his arms, coming in a long cry over his chest. The clench of Rey’s ass around him dragged him over the edge, the orgasm tearing from him as she imagined Kylo’s kohl-lined eyes looking at her with the kind of devotion Kevin had for her.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey and Rose sat at the bar, cradling their drinks in the dark, smoky interior of the Whiskey a Go-Go.  They’d left the club after the show, hopping to a few locations with The First Order before they’d settled at the little dive that was busy enough to be fun but small enough to not draw a crowd.  

 

The alcohol burned going down, their throats sore from singing for the past few hours. Rey had too much adrenaline pumping through her veins and hoped the shots would ease some of the anxiety Kylo’s gaze had put in her.

Kylo was at the other end of the bar, nursing a double of scotch neat for the past two hours, a furrow dug between his brows that only eased when Ben came near and would lean into Kylo’s side.  They were pretty discrete, it wasn’t the kind of place you could telegraph that you were a fag, but Rey could see the comfortable affection between them.

 

Rey admitted she usually didn’t go for older blokes but Kylo was fit as fuck. Night after night, she would see the man shirtless or in those thin plunging silk shirts, while thousands of groupies threw themselves at him. If Rey could, she would be doing the same fucking thing, slide right down to her knees in front of him without a second thought.

Once she drank enough, maybe she would even get the courage to go over there and make small talk with him, maybe figure out why the fuck Kylo kept shooting disapproving glares her way.  

 

If she was being honest, it bothered her more than she cared to admit.  She liked Kylo. She wanted to _fuck_ Kylo and but she didn’t want to just be another lay. An actual relationship, sure, but if one night of mind-blowing sex was all she could get, well, beggars couldn’t be choosers.  

 

Her onstage persona was an illusion of sexuality and confidence but it was little more than a gimmick.  Sure she could play it up, just ask Kevin, but it wasn’t the real her. The real her could be just as shy as confident, just as weak as strong.  Fake Rey, he had come up with her to survive. Her formative years were difficult to say the least, Unkar Plutt and his goons constantly after her while her mom faded away from drug use.

 

Now she was doing the same thing. Guess the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.  She couldn’t even bring herself to care. Live fast, die young, leave a beautiful corpse.  Maybe Kevin would cry at the funeral. Not like there’d be anyone but the band and a string of lovers to remark her passing.

Rey could feel Rose’s eyes on her as she followed Kylo’s every move. She was giving her _that look_.  The one that said she was something like an annoying little sister to her.  Rose was good people, solid as fuck. Always dragging her ass up after a bender and making sure she was ready for the next gig.  She liked to party as much as the rest of them but she was always ready to go when the bus was fueled.

 

“Why don’t you go over there and talk to him? I know you’ve been drooling over him,” Rose suggested, smirking.

“Well for one, I don’t want to look like I’m some groupie or somethin’. Two, he’s in a relationship with Ben. Honestly, I really don’t know if I’d be welcome,” Rey huffed. “He kinda caught me being plowed by a groupie in the bathroom earlier and it’s like he’s got a stick up his ass since..”

 

Speaking of Ben, Rey thought about First Order’s gorgeous drummer and how it was completely unfair of the two to be _that_ perfect of a couple. He and Kylo looked so right together, like a matched set.

“And where’s the stubborn Rey I know? Besides, to hear their bassist tell it, those two don’t exactly have a closed relationship.” Rose crossed her arms over her chest, arching one delicate eyebrow in suggestion.

“What, seriously?  You know what, you’re right. Fuck it,” she exclaimed and downed the rest of her drink in one shot before ordering another.  She needed a bit of liquid courage before she crossed that rift. Rey sat there for a few more minutes until she was able to get her nerves under control. Finally, she got up to go over to Kylo

 

"If you’re coming over here to fuck, party, do drugs, or anything of that nature you might as well get up and go back to the other side of the bar," Kylo said dismissively, his tone defensive. "I did see a couple of prostitutes outside if you can’t find another groupie who’ll do it for free…"

Rey felt the flush rise up her neck and stain her cheeks. She looked down briefly at her hands and then back up again.

 

So yeah, Kylo had her number, but it wasn’t like she _didn’t_ want to talk to the man too. She actually wanted to have a conversation with him, learn more about Kylo, maybe even become friends.  

 

But, when Rey felt like she was in a bad spot she became defensive.“Oi! Jealous much?  See me rogering that pretty little thing and you want yourself a piece?”

 

"Don’t flatter yourself.” Kylo took a sip of his scotch and looked down at his glass.

“I’d rather flatter you,” Rey said with a wink.

“You couldn’t possibly have anything I’d be interested in,” Kylo shrugged, saying it as one would comment on the weather.

 

Leaning in close, Rey whispered into the shell of his ear.  “I think I got plenty of what you want. Anytime you wanna get that stick outta your ass so you can take something nicer, just let me know.”

 

“And where is your young man?  Are you so fickle that you’d abandon him after a quick shag?”

 

Rey huffed, amused.  “Kevin knew the score, wasn’t ever gonna be my one and only.  Worried about me breaking his heart… or yours?”

 

Kylo reeled as if struck and… shit.  Rey had only been teasing but she’d hit a goddamn landmine she hadn’t been expecting.

 

“Shit, Kylo, I’m sorry.”

 

“I’ve learned not to take the words of drunkards and addicts too seriously.”

 

“I ain’t a fucking addict,” Rey hissed.  “I just like to party.”

 

“From your level of intoxication, I would assume that you’ve had eight, nine drinks already and will probably continue on for hours. Not to mention the cocaine and pot. I have no doubt you’ll add to that pharmacopeia by the end of the night. I knew your father Rey; he would have been sorely disappointed in your choices.”

That was news to her. Her father never told her about Kylo, or if he did, Rey had been too young to remember. She sat there with her mouth agape before Kylo moved to take another sip of his drink and oh yeah: “You can’t talk to me like that. Who are you to judge people like me from your ivory tower?  I wasn’t born with the same silver spoon up my ass but I am doing just as well as you, if not better,” Rey said vehemently. “As for my Dad, he’s dead, in case you hadn’t gotten the fucking memo, so he doesn’t really get a say in my life choices.”

 

She didn’t need this shit. So she did the only thing she could do with her pride still intact: she got up and stomped off back to her seat next to Rose.

“Why the fuck did I go over there? I thought he would have been nicer but he’s a fucking prick. Now I know why people call him a snob. He was cool in practice but, Jesus fuck… Ben needs to fuck him more.”

 

Rey wrapped her fingers around the glass, forcing herself to nurse her Jack and Coke rather than slam it back all at once.

 

“What did he say to you?” Rose asked, concern in her voice.

 

“He was judgin’ me, thinkin’ he’s better than me,” Rey said snidely. “He even called me an addict!”

 

"Are you serious? He really shouldn’t be one to talk. " Rose commented, "I mean, his band likes to party but he usually stays to himself. Shit, they may be older than us but they do know how to have fun. Trust me; I’ve been witness to one of their parties.”

“Wait, when the hell did that happen?”

 

And why wasn’t Rey invited?

“After the first show. I came to get you but you were already passed out in the hotel room and I would have felt bad waking you. You know you’re atrocious when you don’t get enough sleep,” Rose rolled her eyes to the heavens and then laughed when Rey punched her gently in the shoulder.

 

"From what his bandmates tell me, it takes a lot to get him fired up, but watch out if you push that button." She flashed Rey a wink. "They say he’s like a viper: he'll fire a shot straight between your eyes. You hurt him; he'll hurt you right back, and twice as hard.”

“And you knew all this and still thought it was a good idea for me to go over there?” Feigning a pout, Rey turned her head away from her.

 

"Oh get off it." She smacked her affectionately. “I know you think he’s hot. Someone needed to give you the push."

 

The brunette drummed her fingers on the table. "He’s wicked on the guitar and has a killer voice to boot Rose. It just isn’t fair to be that perfect."

 

It wasn’t a lie. Rey admired the fuck outta Kylo’s talent and the way he was able to reduce the crowd into a frenzy. But it was his sinewy, long-legged body that intrigued her the most. Not to mention his long wavy, near pitch black hair that never seemed out of place, and dark smoldering eyes that felt like they were undressing you with just one look.

 

There was just something about the way he carried himself, the masculine gracefulness of his bone structure, and the confidence that rolled off of him in waves that said: Don't get too close.

 

‘Course Rey had never listened well to authority.  Those vibes just made her want to get that much closer to Kylo. She was usually the one putting up walls until she gave potential partners the green light. It was all just a part of the game.

 

The difference between her and Kylo was she loved every damn vice associated with being a rock star. Ever since they put out their demo and then landed this tour, she wholeheartedly embraced the perks that went with the success. Give her the drugs, the booze, the men and women, the parties, the attitude, and whatever else she could get her hands on.

 

Rey knew Kylo was a bit disgusted with his own bandmates since Ben, Hux, and Phasma were, most of the time, of the same manner as Rey’s band.  Well, maybe not Ben… not too much. Yeah, Ben liked his drink and he’d seen the man have the occasional toke but he wasn’t into the hard stuff and he definitely wasn’t into the parade of tail that Hux and Phasma took advantage of.

 

"Is the rest of The First Order coming out tonight?" Rey asked.

 

Rose looked slightly distracted, too busy eyeing a group of women at the bar. "I doubt it," she informed her while never looking away from the girls, “Ben told me they were all headed back to the hotel after the show.”

 

“Let’s just go back to the room. I’m exhausted.”

 

With one parting look at Kylo, who was smiling as Ben whispered something in his ear, she slipped out; studiously ignoring the pang of longing in her gut she and Rose disappeared into the humid night.

 

* * *

 


	2. She Goes Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for Chapter - She Goes Down by Motley Crue

* * *

 

 

_ “Flat on my back she goes down _

_ For backstage pass, she goes down _

_ With all of my friends, she goes down _

_ She gives heart attack, she goes” _

 

* * *

 

"Where the hell have you guys been?" Finn asked.

"We were just gettin' a couple drinks down at the Whiskey," she explained before face-planting into the nearest bed. "Any pizza left for me?" Rey asked, turning her head to the side and spying the many boxes on the table.

"Sorry dude," Poe replied. Rey could detect a hint of annoyance. "I didn't think to order any for you, seeing how you guys didn’t tell us where the fuck you were goin’."

Rose also looked briefly annoyed but then she smiled and gave him the finger, “Fuck you too.”

"I knew we should have ordered them some,"  Finn muttered under his breath. He turned and glared at Poe, "Just order another pie, man.”

Rey tuned them out and her thoughts once again turned to Kylo and fuck, just remembering the scent of the guy’s cologne made clench her thighs together. How could Kylo reduce her to this every damn time she saw the guy? She was Rey fucking Jakku, one hell of a tough-talking, take-no-shit motherfucker. But under Kylo’s unnerving gaze, she shriveled.

"You gonna move over so I can lie down too?" Rose teased.

The young brunette groaned, too comfortable to move, star-fished across the bed but she knew a heel to her side would be coming if she didn’t. She wiggled her way over to one side and felt the blanket being draped over her.  Rey fell asleep shortly after, still completely clothed, dreaming of chocolate eyes framed by dark-rimmed glasses and legs that went on for days.

 

* * *

 

The pizza had arrived at their hotel room and Rey helped herself to a second slice, grumbling after being woken up early from her nap. The rest of the band remained quiet, nursing their beers as Rey sat in a fog of displeasure. She was leaning against the headboard. The band’s silence grating on her nerves.

 

She picked up her acoustic, strumming a few chords and trying to work out the song that was niggling in her mind as she munched her way through a few slices, ignoring the jittering in her limbs as she started to come down off the coke.  She took a long drag off her joint, propping it on the ashtray as she hummed the elusive strains of the melody.

 

_ “Brown eyed devil, don’t come cryin’ to me _

_ With your sinful hips and your black magic gaze _

_ Brown eye devil, I can set you free _

_ Need your kiss to quench this fire in my veins” _

 

“That’s fucking good,” Finn said as he snagged the last piece of pizza.  “Little bluesier than our usual but I dig it.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

She marked the notations on her sheet music, pondering the harmonic progression in the chorus. Rey wanted to keep it tight, give it a bit of southern rock feel.

 

Not for the first time, she wished Finn sang bass rather than tenor.  The chord could do with a lower register to fill it out but she’d balance it with the instruments rather than the vocals.  Or maybe she’d take the low part. She usually liked to be on melody in the chorus but she could jump to the lower harmony and let Finn’s softer voice have the middle notes.

 

She strummed a few more, working on the words for the chorus.

 

_ “Kiss me, kill me, fuck me, fight _

_ I need the demon’s blood tonight _

_ Kill me, kiss me, fuck me, bite _

_ I need your sweet pain to make me right” _

 

It wasn’t until Rose leaned over her shoulder and hummed the high notes that she realized she was singing with Kylo in her head, the bass in the harmony filling with his smooth sexy voice.

 

Launching to her feet, she almost collided with Rose.

 

"I thought comin’ back to the room would help me relax but it isn’t Rose. I’m gonna get out of here for a bit, I’ll see you guys later." Rey stood up, trying not to flee in an attempt to put Kylo from her mind. Bad enough to write a song for the guy who half hated her but to wanting to sing it with him, that was just pathetic.  

 

Rey gathered her coat, stealing a glance at herself in the mirror to check that everything was in order.  She gave herself a cheeky wink as she settled the leather jacket over the tight cling of her t-shirt. Leather pants rode low on her hips, hugging her ass in a way that could only be described as sinful.  She stepped into her boots, tugging the laces tight before scooping up her wallet and a couple condoms - never knew, right? Just ‘cause she’d gotten laid once didn’t mean she would say no to another round.  With a wave, Rey ducked out.

 

She lit a cigarette, the cherry of the ember glowing, the cool night breeze sending a chill down her spine. One of the many vices Rey indulged in was smoking, usually Marlboro Red’s. One usually dangled from her lips or was nestled between her fingers. Rey began to wander aimlessly – the night full of life, people just hitting the clubs or dancing in the street to the pulsating music pouring from the speakers inside.

 

She hummed the song to herself, muttering ‘brown eyed devil’ as the crowd jostled her.  She loved the nightlife, the anonymity of darkness, but even she had her limits. When the thick layer of hairspray in the air and the stench of alcohol and vomit that permeated the Strip became too much, Rey turned down a deserted alley to get away. 

 

What she didn’t expect to find was Kylo, leaning up against the brick exterior of a building, his long fingers wrapped around Ben’s nape.  The guitarist's head was thrown back, absolute ecstasy was written across his face, undoubtedly owing to the drummer on his knees in front of him.

 

Rey gasped, arousal shooting through her.  She couldn’t help how her eyes lingered on the flushed column of Kylo’s throat, working around a groan of pleasure. 

 

Rey had seen, participated in, and explored  _ a lot _ sexually.  But the sight of those two, Ben with his mouth buried in Kylo’s lap… he’d never seen a more arousing sight, full stop. Kylo heard the gasp, gaze locking on Rey.  ‘ _ Maybe I should just close my eyes’,  _ Rey thought. ‘ _ Better yet turn and leave and act like this never happened.’ _ But then, she thought,  _ ‘Fuck that.’ _  Because Kylo had gotten an eyeful of her earlier and turn about was fucking fair play. 

 

Kylo just smirked as he gazed at Rey, tilting his head down to look at him from under his lashes.  Made her wonder how fucking good Ben was at sucking cock that it had managed to loosen the stick up Kylo’s arse.

 

Rey could feel herself becoming wet in her unforgiving leather pants and her hand gravitated towards her pussy, pressing the heel of it against the seem and trying to get friction against her clit to try and tame her arousal. She had the distinct impression that Kylo was toying with her, but she didn’t much care.  She could watch those two go at it all night.

 

The Kylo she’d seen at the bar was an uptight asshole, a condescending jerk.  But this Kylo? Christ, he was the embodiment of sex. Maybe it was the dichotomy fucking with her head.  Seeing the man who called her an addict debauched against an alley wall with his cock buried in his brother’s throat was sending a wave of such powerful arousal through her Rey thought she might come untouched.

The fucking sounds Ben was making… obscene didn’t even begin to describe the throaty moans and whimpers.  Rey could see him salivating even across the distance, the consequence of having Kylo's cock buried down his throat.  From what Rey could see it was  huge, too . Ben's trousers were hanging open, one hand wrapped around his own erection, stroking hard and fast.

Shaking herself out of the paralysis of her sudden aching arousal, Rey turned back the way she came. This was too intimate, too much for her heart that already screamed for those two men.  And, of course, there was the niggling sensation that Kylo was toying with her, that this was a game. 

"Where do you think you’re going, Rey?" a familiar voice drifted down the alley, thick with arousal.  Rey turned back and caught Kylo’s heated gaze as he continued. “Come here, my darling girl.”

So, now she was Kylo’s ‘darling girl’.  Half of her wanted to start another row; but the other, louder half melted at the endearment.  Fuck she was so gone on these men and Kylo doubly so.

When she was close enough, Kylo’s long arms pulled her in by her leather lapels, tugging her close until they were both standing over Ben on his knees.

 

“Do you enjoy watching him work? I’m enjoying you watching,” Kylo murmured hotly into her ear, lips nuzzling along her jaw.  “Talented, isn’t he? I wonder if your mouth is nearly as good.” 

As he mused, one of Kylo’s thumbs brushed over Rey’s bottom lip where it was pinched under her front teeth.  Easing the swollen flesh from the hard bite, Kylo leaned down and licked across the heated flesh.

 

Rey felt like she was under a fucking spell, Kylo’s deep voice rumbling through her and soothing the aches his earlier harsh words had put in Rey’s armor.  It was like Kylo was two different people occupying the same body, this wanton sex god and the absolute prat who could insult everything about Rey in a single breath.

 

Kylo looked like he was trying to stop himself from laughing.  That was until a moan tore loose from his throat and his body jerked.  He’d just come down Ben’s throat, right in front of Rey. 

She’d died. Rey was dead and this was the grossest, filthiest heaven.  Thank you, God! 

Rey couldn’t tear her eyes away as Ben stood, a grin on his face as he stroked his own cock.

It was such a fucking bad idea but Rey couldn’t look away as the man’s hand sped before bringing himself over.  Maybe later she’d feel ashamed that she just stood there as Ben cleaned himself up and kissed Kylo before murmuring,  “See you at home, love.”

 

“What the fuck?” Rey gasped, sagging against the wall like she’d been the one to have a tremendous fucking orgasm.  “What the fuck was that?”

“Mmm,” Kylo purred, bracketing his body around Rey’s and caging her against the wall.  “Fun. Don’t you know what fun is, Rey?”

"One minute,” Rey mused, confounded by the night’s events, “you basically tell me to go fuck myself and the next I’m watching you get blown?“

Kylo chuckled.  A quick glance showed the man leaning around Rey, against the wall.  He was entirely composed as if he hadn’t just been fucking his brother’s face. “I have been accused of having a rather tempestuous nature.”

“I would say you are fucking spoilt. You always gotta get your way, don't you, Kylo?" Rey muttered while fumbling a cigarette from her pocket, Kylo leaning back to give her room, and lighting it up.  She shot the older man a dark look through the flame of her bic.

 

The man huffed out a put-upon sigh, plucking the stick from Rey’s hand and drawing a deep breath from it before handing it back.  "Just because I choose not to demean myself with recreational drugs, doesn’t mean I am without vice."  Kylo ran those long fingers through his hair, which fell easily back into place .

"What do you want?" Rey’s voice was flat with confusion.

"Rey,” Kylo said gently, stepping closer into her space. He drew the younger woman’s hand to his mouth that held the cigarette and breathed in another lungful.  “I’m sorry, darling girl. I don't want anything. Not… well... I saw you with that young man, snorting coke off him and it all seemed rather crude. But it is none of my business and I am sorry for scolding you," Kylo confessed sheepishly.

Rey really had no reply to that.  Kylo had apologized but the man’s moods were a bit too much for her to get a handle on.  She’d had enough men in her life who spoke like that, going from one emotion to another without warning.   Rey wasn't ready to repeat all of her mom's mistakes, even if the man was fit . She just stood there, staring impassively at Kylo as the silence stretched between them.

 

Kylo stared back, seemingly unphased by Rey’s unblinking gaze. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Well, for one I want you to stop giving me fucking whiplash from your ever-changing attitude," Rey hissed. "I just don’t get you.  One minute you’re purring like a kitten at me and the next I get claws. So level with me, do you like me? Do you hate me? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure you’re the cat and I’m the fucking mouse."

From the sudden shock on the man’s face, Rey got the impression that her question had thrown Kylo for a loop. Kylo’s jaw slackened and he flushed. Quickly, the older man glanced down, staring at the concrete below. "Why would you say that?"

Well, fuck Rey if Kylo didn’t look properly contrite.  Not that she believed it. One thing she’d figured about Kylo fucking Ren was that the man was an excellent actor.  Rey snorted. "Oh come on. You’re playing me like I’m your fucking guitar."

 

Kylo drew in a deep breath. "I apologize if I gave you that impression I - Well…” The man palmed the back of his neck, peering down at Rey through his lashes.  It had been a long time since that kind of innocent look had affected her but, damn if another rush of arousal didn’t shoot straight through her. “It’s rather disconcerting to find that, at my age, I can be excited by such a young woman.  And you’re more than a pretty face, Rey. I happen to admire your songwriting a great deal. I think you have a lot of talent."

"Oh, yeah?“ Rey grunted, distrustful of this sudden paradigm shift in the older man. "So you like my pretty voice, what else is new?  Everyone likes my pretty voice.”

Kylo sighed, Rey watching as the lines of the older man’s body telegraphed how his mood was shifting away from earnest and quickly edging toward annoyed. "Look, I hardly feel the need to unpack my psyche to a girl in an alley. You know I'm only in the city for two more weeks with my band. I'd really like to use this time wisely rather than debating the intricacies of our psyches."

"I really don’t get you, Pops,” Rey growled, a flutter of victory in her chest when Kylo winced at the jab.  “Maybe it’s just a fucking case of hero worship but you ain’t anything like what I expected.”

Kylo gazed at Rey, shook his head and then glanced away.

He’d looked like he had something more to say and damnit if Rey didn’t want to pry.  "C'mon, you can talk to me," Rey coaxed, taking a drag on her cigarette. "Be honest. You don't like the way I live, do you?"

"Fine," the older man sighed, exasperated. "Perhaps it is unfair of me, but I don’t like seeing such a young woman with such potential wasting her life away.  At the rate you are going you’ll be dead before forty. This life… if you do not find some moderation then you  _ will _ ‘die young and leave a beautiful corpse’.”  

  
Kylo palmed Rey’s cheek again and she couldn’t help but lean into the warmth of that touch, mesmerized by the gentle sparkle in Kylo’s brown-eyed gaze.   _ Brown-eyed devil _ she wanted to hum.  “But,” Kylo said firmly, stepping back, “It is hardly my business.  I apologize again if I overstepped. It is your life."

 

Rey kicked herself for badgering the honesty out of Kylo.  She didn’t know what to do with the admonishment, delivered like wisdom.  It was her life, hadn’t Kylo said that? Still, the words hurt. Why? Because Rey wanted Kylo to respect her. She had wanted Kylo for so long, wanted to be him and she longed to have Kylo admire her in return.

Kylo continued, "You have so much potential, Rey.  I had my managers look into you before we agreed to let you open for us. Huge I.Q., great performance in school... and it all went tits up. Drugs, petty crime, never had a job before you started your band."

"You ain’t got any fucking clue, bruv,” Rey defended, her voice high and tight in the face of Kylo’s gentle reproval.  “Sometimes choices are made for you. Sometimes people come into your life - " Rey unfolded her arms and let them hang at her sides.

“So,” Kylo cut him off, “you have no culpability in what your life has become?  What your sister’s life has become?”

Rey flinched at the mention of Daisy, thinking of the home she was staying in.  If he’d stayed in school she’d be better off, but she hadn’t, she’d come home when her mom OD’ed, nursing her back to health and trying to get her off the drugs.  Not that it had mattered, in the end. Drugs still had her and now they had her, too.

 

Kylo gazed at her, those russet eyes gleaming with intensity as Rey finished her cigarette and flung the stub into the darkness.

Rey shivered at Kylo’s words, feeling them stab her in the guts.  “You’re a right bastard.”

“I imagine you believe that,” Kylo said too gently, too kindly.  Fishing in his pocket he tugged a card out. Printed on it was a phone number.  “When you’re ready to face those demons.”

“This a fucking rehab?”

“No, Rey.  It’s my phone number.  Although I could recommend a rehab or two, heaven knows Hux has been on the inside of enough of them.”

"Everyone that’s told me about you,” Rey wept, clutching at herself, “they’re right. You’re a prat. You think you're better than everyone else, walking around with your goddamn nose in the air thinking that your shit doesn't stink and looking down on the rest of us." 

Kylo pushed himself off the wall, stepping close and placed a chaste kiss against Rey’s cheek.  “Believe what you will, darling girl.”

Rey sputtered in disbelief as Kylo turned his back on her and walked away like nothing fucking happened, not bothering to look back.

 

* * *

 


	3. Starry Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this Chapter - Starry Eyes by Motley Crue

* * *

 

_ “Standing alone in the light _

_ You could see her cry _

_ With a smile and a wink _

_ And a sparkle in her eyes _

_ She calmly sighed, I will be alright _

_ Okay child you've had to take the pain _

_ Of a man in the streets _

_ You gotta let me in _

_ Needed a friend _

_ Even just for one night” _

 

* * *

 

Rey was drunk.  Pissed. Three sheets to the fucking wind. She must have blacked out because, when she came around, her hand was on the telephone, fingers laced around the receiver as she tried in vain to focus on the numbers.

 

How long had it been since they’d wrapped with The First Order?  A month? Then onto their three-state tour with a new band, The Empire, which they had a week break from before they got on a bus and went to the East Coast. 

 

Rey fingered the card Kylo had given her, trying to focus on the numbers as they danced across the paper.  She’d spent the last week on what the tabloids called ‘a bender’, the party at Rose’s the perfect background to her cycle of drinking, drugging, and writing more music than she had since Daisy had been taken away.  And yeah, being twisted up with feelings over two of the four members of  _ The First Order _ wasn’t great for her love life ‘cause she hadn’t fucked since Keith?  Cory? What was his name again? But she was a song or two away from a double album. The studio was going to be fucking giddy.

 

Then, like a fucking habit, the memory of that posh bastard sprawled against the bricks of the alley with Ben sucking him off kept floating into his mind.  Didn’t matter that sober Rey had already decided to cut ties with the git. Besides, their tour was over, no reason they’d have to see each other again. She’d never have to see Kylo Ren again.

 

Why did that hurt so much?

 

The last few days of their tour it seemed like Kylo had been deliberately avoiding Rey, ducking out as soon as the show was over and Ben, well, Ben had been no help.

_ “He’ll talk when he’s ready, kid.” _

So yeah, a month out and she hadn’t heard a word from the man even though she’d given Ben her number.  So, yeah, fuck Kylo Ren. That’s why she had to call him, to tell him he was a bastard.

Somehow she managed to punch in the numbers. The phone continued to ring and ring, the incessant noise driving through his skull.

 

"Hello," came the drowsy voice, belonging to an older female.

"Where's Kylo?" Rey belligerently asked, while trying to light a cigarette with her free hand.

"I think you have the wrong number," the woman informed me.

Dial tone.

Oh, for f ucks sake. She drunkenly attempted to dial Kylo’s number a second time and someone else hung up on her, saying she reached the wrong person. This was more fucking difficult then it should have been. She tried one more time, vowing if this wasn’t it then she’d just give up.

Three rings and then Kylo’s smooth whiskey voice came on, "You’ve reached Ben and Kylo. We can't come to the phone right now so leave a message." The machine beeped mockingly at her.

"Kylo, pick up the goddamn phone! I wanna talk to you, man.  You don’t fucking know me. You don’t know a goddamn thing. You're a fucking asshole. You hear me? Quit screening your fucking calls and be a man. You can't fucking hide from me!" There was no dial tone. Dammit, the machine probably ran out of tape, so Rey tried to hang up the phone. It took her three tries to finally place the receiver in the right spot.

 

Pain. Her lips hurt like hell. Shit, she stuck the heated end of the cigarette into her mouth. Rey spit it out and then crushed out the smoke with her fist. She could see a bottle of Jack at her feet and lurched forward, trying to wrap her fingers around the alcohol. Finally, Rey had the bottle nestled in her lap and took long slugs.

She didn’t know how long she sat on the floor, drinking and staring. Maybe she was beginning to pass out? She was so out of it she honestly didn’t care. 

The phone rang. Her fingers slid along the receiver and tried to pick up. Finally, Rey managed to nestle the phone against his ear. "Yeah?" There was no reply. "I said yeah?" Silence. "Well, fuck you," she snarled. Then she realized she was talking into the earpiece. Christ. Rey re-adjusted the receiver. "Yeah."

"You’re drunk," Kylo said flatly.

 

It wasn’t fair how that voice, even tight with disappointment, set a flutter through her. She couldn’t quite believe it was real. But it wasn’t just disappointment, yeah?  It couldn’t be. Not in the way Kylo sighed into her ear or the way he was waiting, just waiting for Rey to say something. It gave Rey hope. She hoped what she heard was affection but, honestly?  Probably a drunken hallucination. "You do like me," she managed, the brain to mouth filter obliterated hours before. “S’ok, I like you too even though y’re a high-handed bastard.” Rey tried not to sound as pissed as she was, over-enunciating the consonants.

"What? Rey, go to bed," Kylo sighed. "You are far too intoxicated.."

"Ain’t neither." Rey asked, taking another drink off Jack. "You phoned me back. You like me."

"Yes, Rey, I like you.  Something I rather thought I’d made clear.."

 

“Not really.  You talk in circles and shite.” Her cockey was thicker when she was drunk.  She wondered what Kylo sounded like drunk.

“Much the same.”   _ Shit.  Had he said that out loud? _  “Yes, Rey, you did.”

“Where’s Ben?”

“Asleep, as I should be.”

"Did you fuck him until he passed out?  Christ, you two fucking… might have to get off to that later."

Kylo snorted.

"So did you come? Is he tucked away in bed, all happy now that he had a piece of your dick?" Rey teased. Damn, she was enjoying himself. "What I’d do to be pinned between you two gorgeous fuckers…

 

“I’m rather fond of you as well, Rey.”  Shit if that didn’t sound like  _ something _ .  Rey couldn’t fucking handle  _ something _ as drunk as she was.

“S’nice… being liked just for me.  Most people just like the voice, the ass, the stardom...  Don’t get me wrong, I love the music,” Rey rambled, saying whatever came to her inebriated mind.  

“Half the songs I wrote in a notebook on the toilet while I was rocking my baby sister through a bout of sick.  Working double shifts to pay for a new guitar since I had to pawn the old one to pay for formula. Still had to make sure she was fed and clothed and shit. Then the fucking council stepped in and said I weren’t any fucking kind of guardian and took her from me.  Now she’s in the system and what do I got to live for? What do I gotta write music for? So yeah, maybe I took the money I’d put aside for her, to get a new place and put my band on a plane going to L.A. I do it for the love now, ‘cause ain’t no one ever loved me for anything but my sweet ass and my voice."

"Rey - ," Kylo sounded properly sad but that just made the drunken tears start choking her up.

 

"Don’t you fucking pity me, you son of a bitch,” she whimpered without any heat.  “You’re right. I’m gonna leave a beautiful corpse and the music. No one’s gonna sing the songs I write for my sis ‘less I’m loved.  So I get rich, yeah? Fuck a lot of birds. Fuck a lot of blokes. When I die she’ll get a call from some solicitor tellin’ her that she had a big sister that she never knew ‘cause they took her away from me.  Oh, and here. Here’s a nice chunk of cash. Sorry I weren’t there for you. Sorry I was a crap sister." Rey managed to holler in-between gulps from the bottle.

“You love her,” Kylo said softly.

It wasn’t really a question but Rey answered anyway.  “More than anything. She was my whole fucking world, Kylo. They took my world away ‘cause they said I was just a kid myself.  Fucking broke me proper. Ain’t been the same since. You’re right about them demons but I can’t fucking fight failing the one person that mattered.”

 

She fished out her wallet and pulled out the little picture of Daisy they’d sent on her second birthday, the little package of her art and photos of her going to his agent.

“I send along money sometimes, when they ask for it.  A family says they’re gonna adopt her. Mom ain’t even fighting it.  Like she doesn’t fucking care about Daisy. Not so long as her bastard husband keeps her high,” Rey continued to profess. 

“You know the fucking kicker?  I would’ve done whatever I had to do for my flower, would’ve never touched the drugs even on the road because it was her and the music.  Except without her, I’ve got this hole in my heart. So I drink hoping it will fill it up. Now I ain’t no kind of guardian for her. What do they call that…?  Self-fulfilling prophecy.”

She had more to say, more she needed to say but damn, she was too drunk and passed out cold.

 

* * *

 

When Rey woke up, it was to the pounding of drums. But it wasn't Poe banging away on the skins. The deafening noise was in her head, a consequence of being painfully hungover. The bottle was still situated in her lap, her pants soaked with booze. Rey still held the phone.

Someone was banging on the door like they were trying to bash it in, or maybe that was the hangover talking.

"Piss off!" she managed to growl. Damn, was she ever hurting.

Kylo walked into the house Rey’s agent had rented, one of three along this block for them to settle in between legs of their tour. His dark eyes were filled with annoyance as he crossed the littered living room.  “God have mercy on your house cleaner,” he muttered as he picked his way over to where Rey was sprawled on the couch. Yanking the receiver out of her hand, he slammed it down on the phone.

 

He groaned, clutching her aching head and trying to burrow beneath the covers to hide from the light.

"You know,” Kylo said, far too loudly. “I've been trying to call you but I couldn’t get through. I don't really appreciate having to drive all the way out to Redondo to hang up your phone."

Rey gazed up at him, last night's conversation racing through her mind and she moaned pathetically. ‘ _ Fuck, I called Kylo’ _ . She’d called Kylo and she’d fucking spilled all the pain that she tried to keep down with booze and coke.  Dammit, she loathed drunken, late-night calls. Talk about embarrassment come morning. Was it morning? Maybe it was the afternoon? 

"What time is it?"

"Is that all you have to say?" Kylo exclaimed in annoyance, still torturing Rey by intentionally shouting. "I've been trying to call you and thanks to this I couldn't."  And yeah, Kylo was being asshole Kylo again but Rey was half grateful because the last thing she needed with the screaming headache tearing her apart was for Kylo to say fucking one word about his little confession time.

 

"I don't feel very good," Rey muttered. "Help me to bed."

Kylo sighed the sigh of long-suffering.  “I imagine that has less to do with your sleeping arrangements and more to do with the amount of alcohol - “ He peered around, taking in the filth he was standing in for the first time.  Rey watched as he counted the bottles, the days of takeout containers. “Rey,” he said softly, crouching next to the couch. “How long have you been drinking here alone?”.

She tried to shrug but failed spectacularly.  “Couple days… week tops.”

Kylo stood, disappearing into the kitchen.  “Do you know,” Kylo shouted between the rooms, “that there’s nothing in your refrigerator of nutritional value?”

“There’s cereal,” Rey muttered to herself grumpily.

“Drink,” Kylo said, pressing a cold glass of orange juice in her hand.

 

Rey drank it down, only realizing when she’d finished it that it wasn’t a screwdriver.  “Why would you give me a mixer without the alcohol?”

“Orange juice,” Kylo muttered as he started tossing the take away boxes into a garbage bag, “is good for you.”

“Better with the alcohol.”

Kylo snorted, trying to fight back a smile.

Rey couldn’t help how Kylo’s grin made her feel all fluttery inside.  She must have drifted off because suddenly, Kylo was leaning over her.

 

Rey glanced up at the leggy guitarist, reminded how much she wanted those limbs wrapped around her. Shaking off the thoughts, she sat up and slipped to the floor, overbalancing, Rey fell forward. She sighed with relief when Kylo laced his arm around her waist and slowly lifted her off the floor as she leaned against him for support.

"Where's your room?" Kylo asked.

"First door on the right," Rey replied as she began stumbling along beside Kylo.

"Rey, you have got to- to get help.  You may think me heartless but you’re a good girl.  You deserve better than what’s been dealt to you," he said sternly, but not unkindly. "With the way you're going...  there’s no happy ending. You're either going to kill yourself or someone else. All you do is party. There is more to life than getting drunk or high... Christ, how long has that party been going on at Rose’s?" Kylo asked.

Rey glanced at him. "Ever since we got back.  I think the guys from The Empire are with 'em."

They reached Rey’s room and the singer stumbled and fell on the bed.

"Get some sleep," Kylo ordered. Then he sighed. "Come on then, I'll give you a hand."

 

Contentment.  That’s what Rey felt as Kylo knelt next to the bed.  It had been so fucking long since she’d felt even half right, the itch of wrongness after they took Daisy becoming a living thing under her flesh. 

Peace came over Rey when she felt Kylo’s long fingers gripping her boots. He gave a smooth, gentle yank and off came the platforms. Next, Kylo worked on her socks. Then he hovered over Rey while Kylo drew the shirt over her head. Kylo tossed the garment on the floor. Next, he tackled Rey’s pants. This was a bit of an effort since the leather was molded to Rey like a second skin. But they managed to get them off.

The scrape of Kylo’s fingers as he peeled Rey out of the leather sent heat curling through her body.  Rey was getting wet from the brief contact and, when she met Kylo’s gaze, there was heat in those brown eyes.

 

Rey laid her head against the pillow and Kylo drew the covers over the younger woman.

"You ain’t half the bastard you pretend to be," Rey whispered. "Think you like to hide behind all those fucking walls you put up.  S’ok, man. I kinda do the same. If you can’t stop the bleeding, then you gotta pretend like you ain’t wounded, yeah?

"As for the phone, man, I feel bad you had to drive all the way out here. I meant to hang up but I guess I passed out." Funny, Rey should have said, ‘ _ 'm sorry,’  _ but the words never came out.

Kylo took a seat on the bed, gazing down at Rey.  For a moment, she thought Kylo might brush back her hair and the absence of that fond gesture made Rey’s stomach twist in longing.  "Get some sleep, Rey. And don't smoke, otherwise, you'll burn down the house."

"I hate Rey," she muttered. She was rambling and she had no clue why, but gazing into Kylo’s eyes, the  _ look  _ seemed to draw the statement out of her. "Nobody gave a shit about Rey, but everyone seems to give a damn about the rockstar. Once I buried her and became the star, life changed. Y'know, my mom even wanted to see me? She thought I wrote one of my songs about her." There was no response from Kylo. Rey glanced up at him.

"I understand.  You don't have to say anything," Kylo whispered.

"Hate her.  Not for what she did to me, that stopped mattering a long time ago.  But, for Daisy. Daisy’s gone and she ain’t even trying to get her back.  I’d sober up in a second to be there for the little one. Ain’t got no reason without her.”

“It must be difficult.”

Rey snorted, ignoring the comment.  At Kylo’s soft look she blurted, “You’re fucking gorgeous.  Been crazy about you since forever."

Kylo smiled and Rey liked his smile. Shy, even boyish, a grin he rarely flashed since Kylo was always pretending to be so serious. “Rey, that’s very sweet." Kylo straightened up and stood. "Get some sleep. You'll feel better after resting."

"Nobody liked me," Rey muttered, unable to stop even as Kylo was trying to make a retreat. "The other kids, my stepfather, kicked my ass. Learned to walk normal even with broken ribs so the bastards at school wouldn’t scent prey.  It was always a contest between home and school, see which one would break more of my bones. All I fucking had were the few hours in the afternoon where I could disappear to the studios near the estates.

 

“It wasn’t much to look at but people were making music, real music.  So I hung out, swept - just fucking anything to be near it. And after one too many shit kickings, I said I'd never take crap again. I swore I'd make it and I'd have the last laugh." Where was all this coming from? Fuck, Rey never talked to anyone this way before. Yet, with Kylo, the longer he gazed down at Rey with his melted chocolate eyes, the more the words seemed to tumble out.

"No one writes the music the way you do and not have a love for it.  And the way you love… your music, Rey… it’s beautiful. I would hate to see such beauty cut short by drink or drugs.“ Kylo sighed, the sound soft and, to Rey’s ears, romantic...“Try to sober up, Rey. Call me if you need me."

So sincere. His voice dripped with sincerity. Kylo really gave a shit. He cared.

  
Rey could hear his footsteps, the heels of Kylo’s boots connecting with the bare floor. And even though Rey longed to watch him, she couldn't eyes too heavy with sleep. But before she drifted off, Rey managed to mutter, "Who are you? I mean,  _ who are you? _ "

 

* * *

 


	4. Danger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter is Danger by Motley Crue

* * *

 

_ “Me and the boys  _

_ Made a pact  _

_ To love or die  _

_ No turning back  _

_ Scarred for life  _

_ All my best friends died  _

_ I lost my mind  _

_ It made me hate  _

_ I can't escape I can't escape” _

 

* * *

 

Rey had been driving for the longest time, hunched down in her Firebird, chain-smoking and listening to music. Kylo's words wouldn't leave her thoughts.  _ "With the way you're going...  there’s no happy ending. You're either going to kill yourself or someone else." _

 

She should have fucking listened.

 

Se still couldn't believe Charlie, drummer for  _ The Empire, _ was dead. It had only been two days but he still expected the fucker to stroll on in and say it was all a big fucking joke. And now Rose was looking at manslaughter charges because she'd let the party go on for days.  Probably wouldn’t be facing anything; they were all adults, except Charlie had clipped a van and while everyone lived, kids had been injured. Babies, as young as Daisy, in the hospital because of their idiocy.

 

Rey was wracked with guilt. 

 

They’d been on a bender, a multi-day party that no one really came down from, just passed out, slept, woke up and kept partying.  They were all drunk, flirting with alcohol poisoning like a lover. Charlie volunteered to get more booze and wrapped his car around a tree.

 

Fuck.  She should have just cut them off.  Someone should have been the adult. It was her band and her guests and it didn’t fucking matter that she was blackout drunk on her own couch, they were her  _ friends _ .

 

Everyone had gathered for the wake at Rey’s house and after hours of trying to comfort people, she bailed, needing time alone.  She felt bad about leaving Rose there. Out on bail and looking like hell, she'd been plastered to her side, terrified that someone blamed her. 

 

She found herself driving to North Hollywood, to Kylo’s place on Toluca Lake where they’d picked him up before a few shows.  She didn’t know why she was headed there. She hadn’t exactly called. But hadn’t Kylo said to come when she was ready? Right now she felt pretty fucking ready to leave it all behind. Kylo wasn’t half the bastard he seemed and right then Rey could not fucking deal with one more person telling her it was ‘no one’s fault’.  At least Kylo would be honest. 

 

It was her fault.

 

Yeah, she didn’t go to the party but she'd fucking led them down the path to that particular Hell.  She'd founded the band with Rose in her basement. She'd paved it in his own loneliness and abandonment issues and they’d fallen right fucking in line because he was their frontman.  

 

So yeah, shame was eating her up.  Shame and guilt. Didn’t matter that she hadn’t been there. The only reason she hadn’t was that she'd been drinking herself into a two-day, foggy stupor with Jim Beam and Jack Daniels as her only companions.

 

Would Kylo say, “I told you so?” Would he start up with a lecture?  Rey fucking hoped so.

 

Maybe they’d kick off and she could loosen the fucking ox that was sitting on her chest.

 

Rey steered the Firebird to the curb and got out, giving her cigarette a flick as she snuffed out the cherry with the heel of her boot. 

 

Ever since Charlie died, she had been the adult; meeting with their manager, seeing to everyone's needs, and providing a shoulder to cry on.  She hadn’t had a drink since she found out but she hadn’t been sober, not with all the booze still filtering out of her blood. Her hands were shaking from the detox but she wasn’t about to give in. 

 

She was so damn tired. Fucking drained. Rey longed to rest but she couldn’t do that at home where people were gathered, shooting up with Poe, like they hadn’t fucking learned anything.  Like someone hadn’t  _ died _ .

 

Pulling into the Cape Cod’s driveway, with its massive windows that overlooked Griffith Park, Rey couldn’t help the pang of longing, of desperate jealousy. The plaque on the gate read: _ Ren/Solo. _ This, this was a home.  A home like the kind she'd never had.  She wasn’t sure what she would give up to have a place here in their lives.  Everything? Anything they asked? The power she'd already ceded to Kylo, to Ben… fuck, it terrified her. Girding what strength she had, Rey reached out her driver’s window and pressed the button on the little box.  

 

"Yeah?" Ben asked voice muffled through the tinny sound of the speaker.

 

"It's Rey. Is Kylo around?"

 

There was a long pause before his voice played over the intercom again, "Come on up, Rey."

 

The buzzer sounded and the wrought iron swung open.  No turning back now. 

 

She pulled her Firebird up the short drive, parking it next to the glittering blue Corvette.  She only lingered a moment before climbing the steps, knocking on the door.

 

Fuck, she probably looked like hell.  She hadn't showered in three days or bothered changing her clothes.

 

She was surprised when Ben, not Kylo, pulled open the entrance, took one look at her and pulled her into a hug.

 

“We heard,” Ben offered by way of explanation.  “I’m sorry. Kylo’s at the studio but I rang him.  He’ll be back as soon as he can.”

In another life, one where Rey hadn’t had her whole world shattered, Rey might have felt embarrassed for the state she was in.  But, in this one, she just felt relieved to be standing there. Safe. She felt safe.

Rey fell into his open arms and laid her head against his shoulder. “I don’t even know why I’m here,” she murmured against Ben’s cashmere-covered chest. 

It was sinful how the man could project pure sex god on stage and at home, he was all softness.  Seeing Ben with his band, Rey’d thought the man a pure badass but clearly, there was a soft underbelly to the man when he was at home.  “We hardly fucking know each other. Except - except you and Kylo might be the only people in my life not gonna offer me a drink or a line or a fucking hit.  Which is really fucking pathetic, I know.”

“It’s alright, Rey.  I’ve got ya,” the man murmured softly, rubbing soothing circles into Rey’s back and damn if that didn’t make her fall a little harder.  Rey’s hands clung to the older man’s waist, gripping at the soft material before tunneling underneath and pressing to the rock-solid warmth of Ben’s stomach.

Rey was half surprised the drummer didn’t pull away.  “Ben, I-”

“Shh, you don’t have to say anything, little girl.  Just - “ Ben’s strong arms guided her into a little breakfast nook in their kitchen.  

He puttered around, making a flurry of domestic noises that soothed Rey’s exhausted mind before a mug of English Breakfast was plopped in front of her.

She didn’t drink much tea anymore - so much easier to drink coffee in America - but when it was in front of her, a couple of biscuits on a plate joining her little mug, Rey realized it was exactly what she needed.

A bit of home.  A bit of comfort.

“How do you take it?”

“Two sugars,” Rey said, voice sounding weary and lost.

Ben added the requisite amount before making herself a cuppa without.

They sat in silence for a long time, she finished her tea. The silence was… comfortable in a way Rey didn’t expect.  She half thought Ben might be jealous or territorial, but Ben was all relaxed around her, gentle even.

“Ready for a shower?  I’m sure I can find something you can wear.”

“That would be,” Rey blushed into her empty cup, “really nice.  Thanks.”

 

Ben escorted her through the house, massive glass windows looking out into the tree-covered hills of the LA Zoo.  It was peaceful, a bit of heaven. 

Rey had stayed in places just as nice.  Her star was on the rise, as her agent liked to say, and they treated her like it.  But they were rented mansions. None of them felt like home. Even though she was a guest here, it felt a little bit like that.  Like she could wake up any minute and this would just be her life… with Kylo… with Ben.

As Ben led her into the bath, Rey spun, burying her face in the wide expanse of Ben’s chest.

“Ben…” Rey didn’t even know what she wanted to say, but she had to say something.  “You know I’m crazy about you, yeah?”

“I know how you feel about Kylo, yes.”

“Ain’t just Kylo, babe.  I want - “ She reached out, slipping her fingers beneath the hem of Ben’s sweater and t-shirt, palming the warmth pooling at the small of his back. “Christ, I shouldn’t be doing it like this but - Whatever you want, it’s yours.”  It wasn’t lost on Rey that a young man had said that to him just a few weeks before.

Ben didn’t smile, not exactly, but there was a softness around his mouth, a sparkle in his eye.  “Right now, I’d like to take care of you, Rey. Later, we can talk.”

“Yeah, promise?”  Fuck, she hated how needy she sounded.

“Promise.”

 

* * *

 

The shower was near erotic, the hot water lasting far longer than was decent and she let it pummel her aching jittery muscles that were screaming for a bump of coke.  She washed with soap that smelled like Ben and shampoo that smelled like Kylo and when she finally stepped out into the steamy room she felt like Atlas and she'd just put down her burden.

 

As she wiped the condensation from the mirror, she realized she was humming again.

 

_ Can’t walk the roads alone no more _

_ Gotta find what I’m looking for _

_ I’ll follow you blind right through that door _

_ Wash right up on love’s thorny shore _

 

_ Can I give you the shattered pieces of my heart? _

_ Bloody from the break _

_ With you, can I make a new start? _

_ Can you give what I wanna take? _

 

She darted out of the bathroom, intent to find a notepad to scribble the chords down and some lyrics.  She nearly sagged in relief when she saw an acoustic guitar on the bed, it’s case already flipped open and a notebook on top.  Thumbing open the pages her heart melted, it was a music notebook. There were pages torn out but what remained was blank and there was a note taped to the cover.

_ ‘For the song you keep humming’ - B _

“Jesus fucking Christ,” she hissed clutching her chest against the wave of affection.  She picked up the guitar, giving it a quick drop D tune before fingering out the opening chords.

At some point she stopped writing just lost enough to slip in the loose pants and t-shirt that Ben had left.  The pants were long but she rolled them up easily and folded herself back onto the bed, tucking the guitar under her arm.

_ “I need your grace to heal _

_ To bring me back from the ledge again _

_ A little tenderness to reveal _

_ The phantom limb of my pain” _

Rey sang, forming a tight harmony in the middle of the progression.

The low bass hum of Kylo’s voice pulled her out of the trance her music put her in, arousal shivering down her spine at the erotic pull of the man’s resonance blended with the higher notes of Rey’s voice.  That fantasy… Kylo and Ben beside her in bed, their voices blending together over music... she wasn’t ashamed to say she'd brought herself off to it more than once.

“Kylo,” Rey breathed, eyes meeting the older man’s as he leaned casually in the door frame.

“It’s a bit different than your usual,” he remarked.  “More like your early stuff.”

“Rose wrote most of the stuff for the second album.  There were deadlines and I wasn’t feeling the muse.”

“Hard to believe,” Kylo said as he sauntered in and tucked himself beside Rey, against the headboard, “since every time I see you, you seem to be humming something new.”

“Maybe it’s the company,” Rey said, tilting her chin up and not breaking eye contact as she  _ willed _ Kylo to understand.  She didn’t write songs for the pretty boys she fucked on the road, she wrote for herself and now… now Kylo and Ben.

“Rey,” Kylo breathed, long fingers reaching out and ghosting over Rey’s knuckles where her fingers were pressed across the strings.  “I - “

For a moment, Rey thought Kylo was gonna crack… was gonna show her all those soft insides he kept locked up real tight, but then he was pulling back.  Watching Kylo pull his walls back up was like a physical assault on Rey’s heart.

 

“Let’s go for a drive,” Rey blurted, relieved when the distraction made Kylo pause in his internal retreat.

“Are you sober?” Kylo said, cupping Rey’s face and looking into her eyes as if he could divine it.  Hell, maybe he could.

“Yeah,” Rey swallowed roughly.  It took all her fucking willpower not to snuggle into those warm hands like she belonged there.  “Yeah, I am.”

 

 

* * *

They were out on the Pacific Coast Highway, cruising at top speed with the stereo maxed out and Rey drumming in agitation on the steering wheel. Other than the thrum of the bass, they rode in silence. Grief had stolen Rey’s words and Kylo seemed content to let the scenery roll by. 

It was enough; just having Kylo beside Rey was enough. The man had his seat moved all the way back to accommodate his leggy frame; Kylo’s foot was planted on the dash.  He gazed out the passenger window, sucking on a cigarette like it was a cock while drumming his long fingers on his knee.

"You're right," Rey announced, caving to Kylo’s endless silence as she turned down the stereo. "I’m a screwup.  I asked for all this. S’my fault."

"It isn’t all your fault.  Charlie and Rose are both adults.  Surely, you must see that?" Kylo quietly reasoned, still staring out the side window.

"I fucking led them there.  I was the one always partying, always fucked up.  Rose kept me fucking steady, man. I know it doesn’t seem like it but she’s my fucking Jiminy Cricket, man," Rey muttered. 

Kylo nodded gently, waiting for Rey to continue. 

"I’m pouring my heart out, here.  Can you fucking say something?"

"Is that what you’d like from me?" Kylo turned then and faced her.

"Y'see, this is the sort of shit I'm talking about," Rey snarled, slamming her fist on the steering wheel. "I just want you to be fucking real, Kylo!  You always come off like you don't fucking need anybody, but I can see those walls you put up anytime I get close. I don’t know if I’m fucking jealous…” she muttered to herself as she calmed down, fishing a cigarette out of her pack and letting Kylo light it for her.  “I’d like to be half as good at not feeling anything."

"I feel," Kylo replied tightly.

 

"Could’ve fooled the fuck outta me," Rey moaned, scrubbing at her face. "Guess you gotta feel something for that gorgeous man you keep in your bed… fuck, he’s too fucking good.  You’re too fucking good,”  _ for the likes of me _ , Rey didn’t say.  “Still, it would make you a hell of a lot more likable if you had a flaw.  I mean, other than the whole Jekyll and Hyde shit you got going on. You can’t just… I don’t know… trash a hotel room or something?  Maybe get caught with a hooker?"

"Well,” Kylo said, voice soft with amusement, “I am sorry to disappoint.  I cannot be other than I am."

"Yeah, be you," Rey teased.  Suddenly remembering she added more coldly, "I didn't even see you at Rose’s with the rest of your band."

"I was there," Kylo replied. "You were passed out when I stopped by to offer my condolences."

"Well, you sure didn't hang around long," Rey snapped.

"No, I didn't. Everyone was intoxicated. I didn't think it was appropriate to get shit-faced after Charlie passed away. It's just something one does out of respect," Kylo gently stated.

"Oh man, get off your goddamn high horse," Rey spat out.  She continued in a sulk, “I wasn’t drunk. Or high or whatever you think.  I was sleeping it off. I ain’t touched anything since… since - “

Rey held out her trembling hand between them, the shaking illuminated by the rhythmic passing of streetlights.  Fuck, fighting with Kylo made her wanna give in and ride the fucking high but she refused.

“My apologies.”

“Yeah, fucking right.  This holier-than-thou shit you wrap around yourself?  I ain’t buying it. And, frankly, makes me wanna hurl.  Since I’m still coming down off that bender I was in, it might happen and if it does I’m gonna do it all over your brogues.”

"They’re Oxfords and I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time you threw up all over yourself," Kylo dryly noted.

 

Rey slammed on the brakes, wrenching the wheel, the rear wheels drifting before Rey popped the clutch and downshifted until the transmission caught.  She peeled them into one of those scenic overlooks, the orange streetlights illuminating the hard lines of Kylo’s face. Rey turned then and faced him. 

"Personally, I think you're scared of truly living. You never take any chances. You quietly go about your business so nothing fucks up your perfect goddamn life.  And I get it, yeah? Ben’s fucking perfect, too fucking perfect - just like you. You two perfect fuckers ain’t gonna fuck anything up. Safe as houses the two of you.  But that ain’t fucking living, that’s existing. Don’t you ever wanna - I don’t know… take a chance? Don’t you wanna feel crazy? Out of control and know someone is gonna catch you?  ‘Cause from what I’ve seen neither you or Ben leap.”

Kylo’s jaw tightened.  "I love Ben more than someone of your limited life experience could conceive.  I came out here because I thought you needed me. But, I'm not going to sit here and listen to you question my life."

"Why not?" Rey asked. "You ridiculed mine, least I can do it pick at yours."

"It wasn’t my intention to upset you," Kylo soot hed. "I regret that that was what you took away from our conversation. But, I ask that you refrain from spouting your opinions about mine.  I’m with Ben, that’s all you need to know on that score."

"Y'see," Rey muttered in disgust. "You can't even say 'fucking.' Any other guy would say 'fucking.'"

"Because he means more to me than a fuck!" Kylo growled.

"You’re so fucking uptight, you can't even just fuck someone!" Rey hollered, opening the door, and slamming it shut.  Rey began stalking away from the car, hands on her hips as she shook her head in frustration.

Kylo got out and followed. "You don’t know anything about my love life.  You’re a petulant child," he shouted before leaning up against the 'Bird while he lit a cigarette.

“I ain’t a fucking child!” Rey raged, lunging for Kylo and gripping his shirt.

“You are hardly behaving like an adult!”

Rey was right up in Kylo’s space, breathing his air and she just couldn’t fucking stop herself.  Closing the distance between them, Rey pressed her lips to Kylo’s. There was no affection, no tenderness, just Rey trying to steal absolution from the older man’s lips.

 

* * *

 


	5. Tonight (We Need a Lover)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is Tonight (We Need a Lover) by Motley Crue

 

* * *

 

_“Ninety thousand screaming watts_

_Honey dripping from her pot_

_Fill the cup to the top tonight_

_This deadly sin is all we know_

_Pleasure victim, who's next to fall_

_The question is will you please us all tonight?”_

 

* * *

 

 

The feel of Kylo’s lips made Rey’s whole world shift.  Rey whimpered into the kiss, desperate for more as she just fucking held on.

 

“Stop,” Kylo said firmly, pushing Rey away.  He stumbled back a few steps before getting his footing on the gravel.  “I don’t - ”

 

Rey whipped around. "Fucking liar," she hissed through narrowed eyes. "You are just a goddamn pussy!"

 

She knows her grief and anger is making her lash out but at this point, she was too far gone to stop herself. Kylo’s eyes were dark pools of some nameless emotion as he stared at Rey under the eerie light of the streetlamp.

 

“I want to kiss you again,” Rey confessed softly, heart still racing from the dying ends of their argument.  What had they even gone off about? Fucking stupid shit.

 

“I would hardly call that desperate mashing of lips a kiss.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Rey said hips splayed with all the bravado she could muster in her exhausted state.  “Then show me.”

 

“No.”

 

"I can see you want to,”  Rey cast a meaningful glance to Kylo’s trousers, which did nothing to hide his interest.  “I can see you wanna be wild. That you like it a bit rough. You want to live. But you'll never let yourself because that means you no longer have control."

 

Kylo pulled from his cigarette, hip cocked against the idling Firebird.  “And what, pray tell, would you know about it?”

 

"I’ve seen you two enough to know why you like Ben. He’s easy… predictable.  Steady as the fucking river, yeah? He isn’t gonna break your heart but he isn’t gonna make you crazy either.  Maybe you two are a good fit. Maybe you deserve each other. But I can’t help but think you wanna fall - not choose, not settle - fall.  Head over heels in crazy, fucked up, tear-your-hair-out love. You wanna be cracked open and let someone scoop out your soul. Hold it - hold you - safe so you can fucking let go of all that damn control."

 

When Kylo stiffened and turned away, muttering, "Please, please don’t."  Rey had her answer.

 

"You see me as this fucking temptation so you’re a giant dick to me.  Except I’m not half the dumb shit you think I am because I can see right through it.  I fucking scare you." Rey folded her arms, arching her brow while she continued to gaze at Kylo.

 

Kylo turned his face away, body tight as if he was preparing to flee.

 

"Look at me!" Rey hissed. "Don't you turn away. Don't you fucking try and shut yourself off. It's all you do, fucker: tune everyone and everything out. You live inside yourself. I'm coming in, Kylo. I'm coming in whether you like it or not."

 

Kylo turned and gazed at Rey and she felt the sweet elation of victory. "Are you finished?" Kylo asked, his jaw set tight and his eyes flashing with pain.

 

Rey sauntered back across the lot, Kylo uncrossing his legs when Rey nudged her way between them.  “Let me in, handsome. Let me in and I will rock your fucking world. I can be so good to you. I know you want it, babe. I want it too.”  She plucked Kylo’s hand, the one without the cigarette and placed it over the flutter of her heart before dragging it down the length of her chest until Kylo was teasing her cunt through her tight pants.

 

Kylo stared at where his hand was cradling Rey before jerking his hand away and pushing his way past her.  Running on instinct, Rey reached for the older man and they tripped, tumbling to the wet pavement together.

 

Kylo looked up at Rey where the younger woman was sprawled across his chest, something she couldn’t quite understand in those brown eyes. "Why are you doing this to me?"

 

“Kylo,” Rey breathed, straddling the man’s solid thighs and rocking her hips. _Softly, softly._  As if she was speaking to a skittish animal Rey spoke, “I _see you_ , Kylo.  I know you’re scared outta your mind but, you know what?  I figure you and I…? Worth being a little scared over.”

 

"What do you care?” Kylo said voice wrecked in the heavy darkness of the night.  “Why do you care if I am miserable? I’ve done nothing but judge you, put you at arm’s length. So, why, Rey?  Just - just why?"

 

"I told you why. Cause I like you." Now Rey smiled because she knew she was cracking through the ice.

 

“Ben had you to rights,”  Kylo sighed, sitting up. Rey didn’t slide back or stand which left the older man leaning up into Rey’s space.

 

“What do you mean, babe?” Rey asked, her head canting as she watched the play of emotions on Kylo’s face.

 

“He saw it the first show we did, how I was drawn to you.  He said you’d break my heart, our hearts. I think he was right.”

 

“I don’t want to hurt you, babe.”

 

"I don’t think you want to.  I think it is your nature. You’re fire, Rey.  You burn so brightly I can’t help but be drawn in. There’s danger there too.  Not just light, but heat. _Man is to trouble as the sparks fly upward._  I suppose I just needed the right kind of trouble.”

 

There was a soft sort of pain in Kylo’s musings that made Rey feel uncertain like she’d stepped into quicksand and the ground under her feet was starting to suck her down.  

 

While Rey tried to find her footing, Kylo continued, “I don't trust people." He paused to lick his lips.  Rey tugged a cig out of her jacket and lit it, taking a drag before offering it to Kylo from her fingers. A smile tugged on Kylo’s lips as he breathed in the smoke. "I don't trust anyone, well, except Ben. It's easier to be this way."

 

"Yeah, that's the keyword: easier," Rey pointed out softly as she curled her body around Kylo’s, her smoky breath ghosting over the planes of Kylo’s face. "I'm not interested in taking the easy route; the highway that's a perfect, straight line. We're gonna drive down the road that's all twisted with dangerous curves, messed up with wet pavement, hauling ass at top speed, risking our lives, but feeling damn good cause we know we're both living.”

 

Rey pulled from the cigarette again but this time, instead of offering it to Kylo, she leaned in close and let the smoke curl from her lips.  "I'll gladly show you the real Rey if you give me the real Kylo.”

 

Kylo surged up, breathing in the vapor but not sealing their lips together.  All it took was the tilt of her head, a gentle lean and their lips were touching, brushing together in a tentative exploration.

 

"Get in the car with me," Rey pleaded as she wriggled off Kylo’s lap, holding out her hand as she stood. "And just to show you I’m serious, we aren’t even going to drink.  Don’t need it to rock your world, not really. Take me home and I’ll fuck you until you forget your fucking name."

 

Kylo’s eyes widened.

 

"But first,” the young woman crooned, “another kiss."

 

Rey molded her lithe body against Kylo’s lanky frame, her fingers cupping Kylo’s neck and tugging him down.  For a moment the taller man paused above Rey’s lips, brown eyes scanning Rey’s face for an answer Rey didn’t have the question to.

 

Not liking this pensive Kylo, Rey pushed him up against the car. She liked how being this close made Kylo seem fragile, vulnerable even. With Kylo slumped against the ‘Bird, Rey placed her hands on either side of Kylo’s face cradling the older man as she gazed up into his eyes.

 

"Don't hurt me, Rey," Kylo whispered.  “Let Ben be wrong for once.”

 

Rey shuddered a protest bourne and dying on her lips.  Rey couldn’t conceive of a world in which she’d want to hurt that man, not in a million years.  But that Kylo, all walled off like he didn’t have a heart, would make such a plea, made something soft shift in Rey’s chest. Finally, he was going to trust someone enough to let down his barricade, ready to yield and be shown what he could truly feel.

 

Rey felt fucking honored.

 

“You’re safe, babe.  Ain’t gonna hurt you,” Rey declared.

 

Rey’s mouth slipped over Kylo’s smoky lips, the older man wrapping his arms around Rey’s shoulders and melting into the kiss.

 

Wet, silky, hot - fuck, Kylo had one incredible mouth. And shit, yeah, he could kiss.

 

The slow glide of their tongues, dancing in a gentle exploration sent heat skittering down Rey’s spine as Kylo’s fingers slipped down over the bumps of Rey’s spine before curling under the hem of her t-shirt.  She couldn’t hold back the groan as Kylo’s hands warmed her skin.

 

Kylo’s lips hungrily slid against Rey’s while she searched with her tongue. Feast. Yeah, Rey was feasting on this guy, exploring every inch of flesh. She had to taste it all, his teeth, his tongue, the back of his throat, everything.

 

And when Rey pulled back, Kylo’s eyes were blown wide. "Shit, yeah.  Gonna rock your world," Rey teased.

 

Kylo smiled.

 

* * *

 

They were speeding down the highway with the stereo blasting and it was damn funny 'cause they were singing one of her songs at the top of their lungs.  Rey was taking care of the harmony because Kylo couldn’t hit Rose’s notes while Kylo was belting the melody in a fair impression of Rey’s rougher voice.

 

Yeah, it felt so right to have Kylo looking at Rey, laughing while crooning out the words. Even if this wasn’t the sort of fun Rey usually got up to at fuck-off o’clock in the morning, she didn’t mind having Kylo Ren’s kind of fun. Just seeing the light dancing in Kylo’s eyes made it worth it.  The man needed to laugh and let down his hair. Slowly, Rey was gonna ease that stick outta his ass.

 

Damn, Rey loved the sound of his laughter as they split their third cigarette, the filter tasting like each other the more they smoked. Kylo’s chuckles revealed a boyish, shy smile. The older man’s giggles - who knew Kylo could giggle? - drew out feelings Rey didn’t want to examine too closely.

 

Yeah, she was showing Kylo how to _really_ live but Kylo was showing her how to _feel again_.  Feel something beyond the pain that had been eating her alive.  For a brief moment Rey had a pang of guilt, as if she wasn’t allowed to feel good after all the shit she’d left in her wake but then Kylo held the smoke to her lips, Rey’s mouth brushing Kylo’s fingers as she sucked the heat into her lungs and Rey forgot everything that wasn’t Kylo Ren.

 

It was like they needed each other.

 

_‘Don't hurt me.’_

 

Rey never wanted to ever be the cause of his pain. She wanted Kylo and Ben to give her their heart’s and soul’s, 'cause she planned on taking good care of it for them.

 

Leaning forward, Kylo flipped off the radio and turned to her.  “Sing something for me.”

 

 _Christ_ , that shouldn’t be that hot.  It was practically the only pickup line she heard but somehow on Kylo’s lips, it felt bigger, like something more.

 

_“After all the jacks are in their boxes_

_And the clowns have all gone to bed_

_You can hear happiness staggering on down the street footprints dressed in red_

_And the wind whispers Kylo”_

 

Kylo chuckled, “Hendrix, really?  Didn’t take you for a fan.”

 

“Seven years the man put out music and everyone’s a winner.  So yeah, fan. Not as good as you, though.”

 

“Flatterer,” Kylo teased, but he was smiling so that was alright.

 

_“A broom is drearily sweeping up the broken pieces of yesterday’s life_

_Somewhere a queen is weeping_

_Somewhere a king has no wife_

_And the wind, it cries Kylo..._

_And the wind screams Kylo..._

_And the wind cries Kylo…”_

 

“Rey - “ Kylo whimpered and when she peeled her eyes off the road the glance she got of the older man showed him trembling with arousal.

 

"Your place?" Rey asked.

 

“Yes, fuck yes,” he breathed, the vulgarity in Kylo’s mouth making Rey’s thighs rub together, her panties soaked with arousal. “But we need to be quiet, Ben is likely sleeping.”

 

Rey couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up from her throat. Careful and damn considerate: that was part of Kylo's basic nature. Rey found she rather liked it.  It wasn’t like anyone had ever accused Rey of that so it was good Kylo had it in spades. One of them had to have some fucking manners.

 

And Ben, oh Ben.  He wasn’t nearly tightly wound as Kylo if the enthusiastic alley blow job was any indication.  What would it feel like to be pinned between those gorgeous bodies? All that experience, all those _hands_.  Rey might die of happiness, but what a way to go.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be good.  Still, if he wakes up no one saying he can’t join,” Rey winked and then hauled ass down the highway.

 

* * *

 

Rey gave a chuckle while Kylo fumbled as he inserted the key into the hole and turned the knob. It must have been around four in the morning. Maybe it was later? Fuck, she didn't have a clue. The night was a blur to her. Not one of those hazy, foggy sorta blurs, but the fun kind, when you're enjoying yourself so much you don't want it to end.

 

She couldn’t stop herself from walking her fingers along Kylo's waist, which made the taller man giggle as he squirmed. Ticklish.

 

Rey wasn’t usually inclined toward this kind of playfulness but Kylo brought it out in her. She was trying to keep Kylo smiling because she didn't wanna see the older man morph into that cold, impersonal, aloof robot.

 

After Kylo’s walls came down, Rey realized there was no chance in hell she'd be able to handle his coldness again.

 

It terrified Rey that Kylo might want to press the "off" switch and shut down like he could just walk away and it wouldn’t hurt him.  Rey was so fucking tangled up in them... she loathed the idea that that other Kylo - cool, calm, unfeeling jerk - could have what was building between them shatter and he’d just pick himself up like nothing had ever happened. That it wouldn’t ruin him the way it would ruin Rey.

 

Rey wanted the messy, the crazy riot of emotions. She refused let Kylo shrug his shoulders and walk away, saying, "Oh well, guess it didn't work out. I'll just start over and try again."

 

Rey wrapped her arms around Kylo while he dug around in the fridge to grab a couple of beers as if by holding him he could make Kylo stay. "Rey?"

 

"S’ok, babe," Rey muttered, setting the beer that was handed to her aside. She promised they would have fun with no alcohol interfering.

 

She followed Kylo through to the living room, straddling the older man when he sat on the couch.  She could feel the heat of Kylo’s hands through the cotton of her pants as she rocked down onto the older man’s hardening cock.

 

“Fuck, Rey.”

 

“I’m here, babe.  I’ve got you.” She nuzzled across Kylo’s temple and down over the shell of his ear, grinning at the shiver of arousal she felt under him.

 

“I can’t - “  Rey was suddenly grateful she was holding Kylo down so the man couldn’t flee.  “If all you want is a quick fuck…”

 

“I want so much more from you.”

 

“Like?” Kylo asked, eyes open and soft.

 

“Everything,” she murmured against the column of Kylo’s throat. “Want to kiss you, fuck you…” Rey worked her mouth back up the line of Kylo’s jaw so she whispered the next words in his ear.

 

“Wanna make you crazy and then kiss it away.  Wanna be pinned between you and that gorgeous drummer.  Want you on your knees for me, babe.” She wrapped her fingers gently around Kylo’s long neck.

 

“Don’t,” Kylo warned but his eyes flared with lust. "Rey, look at us. We're just too different. There is no way I'm going to be able to give you what you're looking for. I'm boring, responsible... predictable. In time the novelty is going to wear off and you'll find someone else, 'cause you need that kind of fix. You need constant stimulation and I'm not the person who can give it to you."

 

“Give it to me, babe.  Give up control. I know you want to.” Rey purred into his ear.

 

"You're shivering," Rey whispered, ignoring Kylo’s protests.  It was more of the same. Fear making Kylo throw up his walls.  Rey was gonna scale them.

 

Kylo glanced away. "I'm scared.  I’m scared because I know what's going to happen. This'll end and it’ll end badly. I don't want to deal with the--"

 

"Look at me," Rey gently ordered.

 

Kylo gazed up at hazel eyes.

 

"You’re safe."

 

Kylo took a deep breath like he was coming up from deep water.  Rey held his gaze, cradled his jaw and waited.

 

"You’ll break my heart," Kylo said.

 

“No I won’t, babe.  I wanna be good for you.  I wanna be good _to_ you.  Just let me in.”

 

Kylo didn’t reply, not as such.  But when the older man craned up and captured Rey’s lips, it felt like a ‘yes’.

 

Kylo flushed when Rey dropped her hand and began unbuttoning his shirt, eyes drinking in the sight greedily.  Rey crooned to Kylo, serenading the man as she peeled Kylo’s clothes off. She sang the song slow, more like a seduction than the declaration of the original song:

 

_“Stand tall and ring the bell_

_The final stroke sends you to hell_

_Take your body like a hammer and a nail_

_The taste of love, it might be yours_

_Slide down my knees and taste my sword_

_Can you feel the power inside tonight?”_

 

The first touch of Kylo’s pale chest beneath her hands had her voice hitching over the final words.

 

“No wonder you had a new lover in your bed every night,” Kylo smirked, the edges sad with something that Rey couldn’t quite grasp.

 

“I don’t fucking sing to them, babe.  S’not what that’s about.”

 

“Rey - “

 

“I sing to you because it means something.  You mean something.”

 

Kylo watched her, eyes unfathomable, in silence as he shivered beneath Rey.

 

“Say something, babe.”

 

_“Got a black magic woman_

_Got me so blind I can't see_

_That he's a black magic woman_

_She's trying to make a devil out of me_

_Don't turn your back on me, baby”_

 

The smoky tones in Kylo’s voice ran rough over the lyrics as the older man’s fingers skidded over Rey’s flesh, the digits playing the guitar riff against her skin. She knew they were both hearing it, the erotic wail of Santana’s instrument filling the silence of the room.  Right on time, Kylo continued:

 

_“Yes, don't turn your back on me, baby_

_Stop messing about with your tricks_

_Don't turn your back on me, baby_

_You just might pick up my magic sticks_

_You got your spell on me, baby_

_You got your spell on me, baby_

_Yes, you got your spell on me, baby_

_Turnin' my heart into stone_

_I need you so bad_

_Magic woman I can't leave you alone”_

 

“Fuck, Kylo,” Rey gasped, breathless as they rocked together through the final rubato strains of the phantom guitar Kylo plucked against her waist.

 

Rey was dripping at the gentle caress of Kylo’s string-calloused hands.  Shit, Kylo's fingers felt good: strong, yet gentle. That feeling was washing over Rey: content and sated, the same emotion when Kylo showed up at her house and put Rey to bed.

 

Rey whispered, "I like when you touch me, Kylo. Damn, you make me feel so good when you touch me."

 

“You - “ Kylo shivered, collapsing into Rey’s neck.  

 

"Oh, Kylo," Rey moaned as she trailed her hands down the long length of Kylo’s body. "Oh fuck, do you even know what you fucking do to me?”  She gripped the swell of Kylo’s cock. “Feeling you hard for me..."

 

"Rey," Kylo gasped.

 

His mouth covered Rey's and suddenly Rey felt like she was starving, hadn't eaten in ages and Kylo was her last meal.  The last glorious taste of life for a dying man. Rey furiously returning Kylo’s kisses, sucking his tongue and plunging deep inside Kylo’s mouth.  Their hands scrambled madly, Kylo thrusting up under her and sending them both toppling to the floor.

 

Rey was going insane with the need to touch Kylo’s cock.  Fumbling the zipper of Kylo’s suit trousers, she finally freed the length of the older man.  And shit, he was as big as Rey remembered. Damn, how did he fit that erection into his pants?

 

Rey cupped Kylo’s cock and ran her fingers up and down the length. Feeling Kylo's hips thrust made Rey shudder.

 

Listening to Kylo moan and pant was nearly as erotic as listening to Kylo sing and Rey thought she was about to come untouched at the sounds that sinful mouth was making, especially when he moaned, “Rey,” like saying her name was its own sort of orgasm.

 

God, Kylo was begging for it.

 

"Easy," Rey whispered.

 

"Rey, please," Kylo softly beseeched arching their bodies together with electric frisson before furiously working his lips over Rey’s bare shoulders.  He kissed the swirl of a tribal tattoo that arched around the ball joint of Rey’s shoulder.

 

"What do you need, babe?" Rey asked.

 

Kylo groaned like Rey’s voice turned his crank.  Rey fucking hoped it did. "I want to fuck you, Rey. Let me fuck you."

 

Rey must have stiffened because Kylo's lids flickered, wet mouth tugging down in a frown at the sudden pause in their grind.

 

"Rey?"

 

"Kylo, I want you to fuck me, to make love to me but I want to be on top," she implored as she traced her finger along Kylo's cheek. "C'mon, you'll like it. Let me ride you."

 

Kylo looked around then. His eyes darting around the living room but for what, Rey couldn’t say.  Lube? An escape? The latter seemed more likely as the fog of lust cleared from Kylo’s eyes and reality, it seemed, set in.

 

"Why don't you want me to take charge for a little?" Rey asked, nuzzling at Kylo’s jaw in what she hoped was soothing. "Is this another hang-up? Baby, when you feel how tight I am, trust me, you're gonna want me to keep fucking you.  Just give me this, babe. Give up control."

 

A broken whimper tore free from Kylo’s throat and he nodded tightly before diving back in for Rey’s lips.

 

Now all Rey had to do was get them to a bed and she’d be golden.

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I live for comments!
> 
> Hey guys, I'm in a rough way right now and I'm being killed by my bills so if anyone is interested in commissioning a work from me I'd really appreciate it - you can message me on tumblr: benicihoe and we can talk about what you want ^_^


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